Talking to your kids about sex can be an intimidating and scary topic, but it’s incredibly important. In this video, Dr. Josh Straub gives three tips for how to talk to your children about sex.
Check out TwentyTwoSix Parenting, a practical discipleship plan for families hosted by Josh and Christi Straub. TwentyTwoSix is a shame-free community of parents who walk together to create the environment necessary to “Start a youth out on his way…” (Proverbs 22:6).
The entire video is above, and the complete transcript is below.
One of the most common questions we receive is: how do I talk to my children about sex?
I want to start by just saying at the very forefront, we have to be comfortable talking about sex as parents. One of the things my wife, Christi, and I talk about a lot is that research pretty much shows that our children become who we are. And when we’re uncomfortable talking about sex, even with one another in our own marriage, that can bleed down and it has a ripple effect into our kids. And so, I think at the very forefront, we need to make sure that we are comfortable with the topic of sex.
It is God-given act for marriage and therefore it’s something that’s important. It’s important to be talked about. And so I think it starts with us as parents.
Secondly, with that said, Hebrews 13:4 says that “Marriage is to be honored by all.” That’s everybody. That includes our children. And then the second part of that verse says, “and the marriage bed kept undefiled.” We want to teach our kids that marriage is to be honored.
My friend and pastor, Ted Cunningham, says that he grew up in the church learning that sex is dirty, nasty, and wrong and it should be saved for the one that you love. And the reality is that’s a lot of times true. And we throw our kids into marriage or we go into marriage and we’ve been taught all of lives that sex is dirty, nasty, and wrong and we should save it for the one that we love, but it couldn’t be more untrue.
That sex is a beautiful thing. It’s a beautiful act. In fact in the Bible, the word communion actually means intercourse. It’s the act of communion is a physical representation of the love relationship that we have with Jesus and that He has with us. That He died for us.
The act of sex in marriage is to be that same physical representation of the love that we have for our spouse. And when we can teach our kids the beauty of that, age appropriately, we drive that conversation in our home.
Which leads me to the last point. We don’t want our children learning about sex at school or from other people in the world. We want them to have a beautiful understanding of what sex is really all about. That it’s to be protected for marriage. That it’s to protect their hearts, to protect who they are. And that we drive that conversation.
And so as your children ask you questions, age-appropriately answer them the right way. And you don’t need to lecture your kids beyond what they’re asking. Answer what they have pointedly and truthfully with the question that they’re asking.
And then also, especially at an early age, use the proper terms to describe to their private parts. Use the proper terms that we use to talk about sex. That’s one of the key things actually that helps protect children from sexual abuse, because sexual predators will use cute, little, funny names for private parts. And so let’s teach our kids, from a very early age the proper names so that we teach them that their private parts are strictly for them and nobody else can touch or see them and that they cry foul if anybody were to ever ask them to do that. And so, it’s one of the best ways to protect our kids from sexual abuse.
So answer their questions and press in and help them understand that sex is a beautiful act of marriage and to be honored. Marriage is to be honored by all.